I decided to go on a diet, so I started researching diet programs that I thought would be appropriate for a woman who spends her days around vats of melted chocolates and freezers full of bon bons. It didn't take me long to find this educational magnet from allposters.com. Can we say 'love'? This will be my new mantra. Okay, maybe it's not the best mantra for a girl who's starting a diet, but I DO love it!
I also discovered The Fantasy Diet, which doesn't sound half-bad. Here's how it works: You eat a Collard Wrap while fantasizing that you're really eating Death by Chocolate. Of course, I realize that diets don't work, even if you are thick and tired of it. It's all about lifestyle changes. In other words, you've got to be willing to go to great lengths to change your width. So, here's my first lifestyle change:
I wasn't a big soda drinker until we started the bon bon business. In those early days, I would get extremely tired from our 18-hour-bon-bon-making marathons. So, I started drinking colas in the afternoon to boost my energy. I learned to love that afternoon pick-me-up - the crackle and pop of the fizz in my glass; the cool, refreshing taste. And I became an addict. Since then, I've tried a few times to break my afternoon sugar-caffeine habit, never lasting more than a week. But this time, I'm determined. I've replaced my cola drink, with Perrier. And with God as my witness, I'll almost-never drink an afternoon pick-me-up cola again.
Meanwhile, I leave you with this puzzle to solve: How can a two-pound box of chocolates make a woman gain five pounds?